Friday, January 19, 2007

Normalcy(?) returns

Get this: My 80 yr old husband, who was just released from the hospital at 4:30 last night, was out snowblowing our very long drive this morning. I was inside having a conniption fit -- first because I surely don't think a couple of inches of snow is all that important to clear, and second because I wanted to get him in to see his doctor today -- and it's a good 45 minute drive and he hasn't showered. So...I called his doctor and he will see him on Monday morning. I had to go pick up the new prescription they gave him yesterday -- back in Rockford, so I had lots of time to think.
I went from terrified at 2:30 am when he was having the episode Wednesday morning, to panic-stricken because they weren't doing anything fast enough for him during the long two days in the hospital, to relief that he's home. And then I woke up at 3 this morning and laid there thinking that I'd have to curtail my activities because I wanted to be with him every moment in case he had another attack and I would have to call 911. I even planned to call DD and ask her to find someone else to babysit next Wednesday, and call my quilt buddy to cancel tomorrow's BOM and lunch date, etc., etc. I was worried about driving to Rockford to pick up prescriptions -- what if something happened while I was gone. And of course, the pharmacy was busy and I had to wait about 40 minutes to get the prescription filled -- isn't that always the way?

And then I had this epiphany (a favorite word of Bonnie Hunter's and mine!) vbg
When did I become so impatient? Always in a hurry? Irritated with other drivers and other people because it's my turn? Why can't the pharmacist hurry and fill the order? Why do all the lightbulbs burn out in the house when you don't have time to replace them? LOL (3 in the past 2 days). Why do the dogs shed all over the house -- it must be to drive me crazy, right? Or maybe it's because it's what dogs do! And what do I think I can do for Bill by following him around and telling him not to do things? He's lived this long because he's very active -- most of the doctors and nurses were amazed he's 80 because he doesn't look it. He knows his own limitations -- we've been "heart healthy" for 20 years. There will come a time that calling 911 is not going to make a difference. I know cpr (the old way), but it may not make a difference either. The fire department is 12-15 minutes away -- that's a fact of life -- the guys are wonderful and I know they're on their way, but at some point it won't matter. We cannot live our lives petrified of living them. We cannot always be there for one person -- my daughter needs me to babysit next week and Bill will be fine on his own for the day. Tomorrow I have a BOM class and a lunch date with my quilting buddy and Bill will be fine on his own for a few hours. On Monday we'll go to the doctor and decide what the next step is for him to take. Maybe just putting him on another blood thinner (besides aspirin) will solve the problem -- or maybe they'll have to run some more tests. Either way, it's time to slow down, take the next step, and get on with our lives -- time to take care of the important things and don't sweat the small stuff - and time to stop making the small stuff more important than it is. Time to brush the dogs and vacuum the floor -- what's the big deal? vbg

I want to thank everyone for the good thoughts and prayers. They really helped.

I did clean the master bathroom and vacuumed the main floor -- the rest can wait til tomorrow -- I did enough to make me feel better and not so much to make myself even crazier than I am. Bill brushed the dogs. I'm going to the quilt store tomorrow with my friend -- quite obviously I'm in desperate need of a mental health day. And then I'm going to come home and play with my new machine -- the one that's gathering dust in the basement -- I'll just blow the dust off and have at it!
And tomorrow I hope to have a picture of something or another to post!

Gratitudes:
Blogland friends -- you're the best.

Epiphanies!
Quality time instead of quantity.
Taking time to smell the flowers.
A long conversation with Bill .
Bill's sense of humor -- he's "not planning on checking out any time soon" after I told him not to "stroke out while I was gone".

8 comments :

Dona said...

So glad to hear Bill is doing so much better. Love the way your Depression Blocks are coming together. The panto's are looking great as well. Practice, Practice, that's what it takes.

DubiQuilts - Debbi said...

We sure do love our guys and at the same time they drive us nuts. Do what you can and try to take it easy.

Mary said...

Glad he's home Joanne, sounds like you've taken a deep breathe and are working on keeping things in perspective. I find that once I think everything through I feel a lot better than I did in the intial panic/anxiety of the moment. I hope that as he goes for follow-up they'll be able to manage anything they find without a lot of disruption in your lives.

Dawn said...

I"m so glad Bill is ok, but take care both of you. I"m exhausted just reading your post!!! :)

Patti the Hardenbrook Girl said...

You are a very wise woman - you have stated some important truths in life. After all, no matter how young we are we still have no idea how much time we have left. The important thing is to make valuable use of that time - for you, for your friends and family, and for Bill.

anne bebbington said...

Glad your husband is ok now - my mom has been much the same since my dad was ill in October, not daring to do things in case whatever... but she's just had to bite the bullet and take the chance to get out now and again to preserve her sanity (if you lived with my dad you'd know what I mean) Sometimes you just have to grasp life in both hands and do things facing the consequences later :o)

Shelina said...

So glad that DH is okay, well more than okay. Bot of you have an amazing amount of energy.
You're smart to keep everything in perspective. I have had to do that too when my house was vandalized. I was afraid of leaving it by itself, even though the vandalism happened when we were home. I had to have a talk with myself to say that if it is going to happen, it will happen no matter what, and there won't be anything I can do to control it.
I can leverage my position by making sure everything is locked, properly lighted and insured, etc., then live my life as I would have before the event.

McIrish Annie said...

sounds like you and Bill have the right idea- you have to live life while you have it. Lately that means LESS housework LOL!! I recently realized that people who come to my house don't care if it's a little dusty. they came to see the people not the place. Glad your DH is feeling better. Enjoy your BOM class!!